Education

5 things late diagnosed autistic people think are “normal”

by Dr. Kim Sage, Licensed Psychologist

📚 Main topics

Sensory hyperreactivitySounds, lighting, smells, wind, and other sensory input can be difficult to tune out, making everyday environments overwhelming. 1:04
Everyday burnout and leaving homePlanning, transitions, sensory demands, and masking can make even one appointment exhausting, with anxiety beforehand and a need to recover afterward. 3:10
Solitude and lonelinessTime alone can help autistic people recover and pursue their interests, yet they may also long for connection and feel lonely. 8:52
Broken friendshipsMasking, intense investment in friendships, missed social cues, conflict difficulties, and relational bullying can contribute to repeated friendship losses. 10:58
RuminationReplaying conversations and experiences to find meaning or understand why something happened can become a repetitive, painful cycle. 14:08

✨ Key takeaways

Experiences can have an explanationRecognizing these patterns as potentially related to autism may help late-diagnosed people understand themselves, without treating these experiences alone as a diagnosis. 0:31
Masking has a costSuppressing difficulties to appear “normal” can contribute to exhaustion, sensory overload, and reduced ability to function. 7:21
Social needs can coexistPreferring solitude and wanting meaningful human connection are not contradictory; the challenge is noticing when solitude is restorative versus avoidant. 9:23

🧠 Lessons learned

Plan for sensory needs and recoveryIdentify triggers, reduce demands where possible, use helpful accommodations, and leave time to recover after demanding activities. 7:51
Notice friendship patternsUnderstanding how unmet needs, communication difficulties, and unspoken social expectations affect relationships can help make sense of painful endings. 12:01
Respond to rumination with careMindfulness, grounding, nervous-system regulation, and setting aside structured time for worries may help interrupt repetitive thinking. 16:12

🏁 Conclusion/next steps

Reduce shame and adapt your lifeGive yourself more time to plan and recover, and consider ways to approach relationships and everyday demands that better fit your needs. 18:17
Explore further discussionThe speaker invites viewers to share topics for future videos and says she plans to post on YouTube, Substack, TikTok, and Instagram. 18:49

Transcript excerpt

0:00 If you were diagnosed or suspect that you are someone with late diagnosed or a late diagnosis of autism, this video is for you. And I can promise you that you will most likely relate to every single one of these five things. I'm a licensed clinical psychologist and we're going to talk about what those are and I'll offer some suggestions on working on these things and also make probably separate videos about each of them because they're they're such huge topics. So, here are five things that late diagnosed

0:31 autistic adults often think are normal that are actually not so normal. Now, do not diagnose yourself with autism on these five alone, but if you're autistic and are ADHD, you might relate to all of these. And especially when you look at the criteria for diagnosing, these will all be there in some form. Number one, sensory hyper reactivity. Now, autistic and ADHD people can be inclined to also be hypo reactive in

1:04 terms of seeking sensory stimulation, but it seems that there's a much larger percentage of people who are autistic and ADHD, especially for autism, who usually have some reactivity to sensory issues. Now, the common triggers are things like office lighting, sounds, being in a restaurant, people talking super loud, smells, the smell of fertilizer or your stinky pet or, you know, the smell when they repave things outside. And the problem is even things

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